1st EPL Card in 3.5 Years: I'm Back

After spending the past 3 years giving out winning picks for free in the group chat and to coworkers, I got fed up of not being able to brag about it anywhere outside the text chains and cubicles. I mean, what's the point of helping people if you don't get to be recognized for it? There is none. And it's not like I can post the picks to my Instagram story to show the world because that's trying way too hard and being super lame. So as the frustration of humbleness hit a boiling point on my new 50 minute commute home from work, I thought, screw it, let me fire up the blog again so I can at least have proof I know ball.

In case you forgot, this blog is currently 13-3 in the EPL. But then again, the last time I picked a winner, spraying your produce stopped COVID and Michigan was little brother to Ohio State. So, we're in a whole new world essentially. Let's get into it.

Crystal Palace vs Luton Town

Saturday March 9, 9am CT

Ew. Gross. I know--NOT how I wanted to start my first card in over 1,000 days but I don't make the board. These are two bad teams in bad form with a gross kit clash to make it even more difficult to watch. Palace are on their second manager and have been... okaaaay in his first two outings? Yes they won 3-0 in his first match, but it took 33 minutes of 11 v 10 football against second-last Burnley and an American defender to grab the lead. And yes they lost 3-1 to Spurs the last time out but they held the lead until the 76th minute? All I'm seeing here is 7 total goals over 2 games under the new gaffer. As for Luton, they answer the question nobody ever asked of "What if Lincoln Riley coached European football?". Their last 5 matches have averaged over 5 goals each. And I'm getting 2.5?

The pick: Over 2.5 -120

Manchester United v Everton

Saturday March 9, 6:30am CT

Speaking of over, this game will be by the time you wake up, and that really shouldn't bother you. Without their points reduction, Everton would be sitting 13th and that still might be doing them a disservice? Their 37 goals conceded are the fewest in the league outside of the three teams in the title race. United on the other hand, despite starting to find their shooting boots against bad competition in 2024 have the fewest goals scored of any team in the top 12 of the table. Under 2.5 opened at -110 and has climbed to +115. But don't fret, when they zig, we zag.

The pick: Under 2.5 +115

Aston Villa vs Tottenham

Sunday March 10, 8am CT

Aston Villa haven't been in the Champions League knockout rounds since Chief Keef went on probation, and they have their first match this Thursday ($10 if you picked up that reference). Spurs face a MASSIVE 6-pointer here in a battle for top-4, and will be on much fresher legs. Add to that Fullham being the best team Villa have taken down since the calendar turned? And that Timo Werner just tallied his first goal in a Tottenham kit? But wait, there's more: SPURS ARE UNDERDOGS?? Gimmie Gimmie.

The pick: Tottenham ML +165