A few months ago, CBS College Basketball insider Jon Rothstein was rushed back into doctor's office after suffering a severe reaction to his allergy shots. While being administered multiple Epinephrine shots and fearing the worst, he told the doctors with a straight face, "Don't let them take me before March". Only this tournament, its juice, the upsets, the bracket pools, and the "Onions" (double order) can provide us with so much joy and excitement, that when we fear we are in our final hours on this earth, our immediate thought is to wish for one more March before God cuts down the nets of our life. And unless you are getting married of having your first child this year, Thursday is the start of the best four days of your year. Yes, only your first child can top 48 win-or-go-home games in 4 days, definitely not the second.

At this point you've already got 7 panic texts from inexperienced Bracket Challenge commissioners reminding people to pay their entry fee, advised 4 coworkers on the status of Cooper Flagg and Grant Nelson's injury, and listened to two managers state that "there's still work to be done the next two days". Ignore all of it. Trust your gut, fire bets from the hip, make sure the snack drawer is stocked, and let's get nuts.

Today and tomorrow's picks are marathons, so let's not delay any further.

[9] Creighton vs [8] Louisville

Louisville -2.5, Total 145.5

The clear story here is Louisville being underseeded and playing this game 70 miles from campus. If this is your first time hearing either of those statements, you need to rethink your inner circle. Network=Net Worth. Louisville boasts 2 wins over Clemson, a 5-seed, and is 11-1 in Quad 2, meaning they handle non-elite teams very well. Creighton, equally impressive, are 6-6 in Quad 1 and have beaten St Johns. Both teams have taken almost the exact same number of 3-point shots, so in a toss up in March, we default to guard play (take a shot everytime I say that and see if you can make it to the end of the post). Louisville have a great duo of Terrence Edwards Jr and Chucky Hepburn, and Creighton go as their Center Ryan Kalkbrenner goes. Two senior guards and home court advantage seem like a winning recipe. Gimmie the Cardinals.

The Pick: Louisville -2.5

[13] High Point vs [4] Purdue

Purdue -8.5, Total 153.5

You may have heard your HR-tip-toeing Sales bros mention High Point over the past two days. And although you tuned it out like you do their 8 beers at a shitty bar and a solo uber home, aka "saturday night was a movie", stories, they actually have a point this time. Purdue were worst in the Big Ten defending the 2-point shot the past few months, are 350th (!!!) this season defending the 2 point shot, and rank 63rd in defense for the season. High Point are top 35 in offensive efficiency and 15th overall in shooting the 2 point shot. This game will have Gary Busey's Agent Angelo Pappas losing his voice...

The Pick: High Point +8.5.

Bonus Pick: High Point Moneyline +305

[14] Montana vs [3] Wisconsin

Wisconsin -17.5, Total 152.5

If this is your first time tuning in this year, you might see "Wisconsin" with this total and immediately want to take the under. To that I'd hit you with Lee Corso's famous catch phrase. This is definitely not your parent's Wisconsin. They have depth (9 players with 30+ games played) and have shot a thousand threes this year (actually 997, but don't let the truth get in the way of a good story). While they do not create a lot of turnovers, they were 2nd in the Big Ten in opponent field goal percentage, so they can stifle even the best offenses. Montana gave up 95 to Utah State, 92 to Tennessee and 104 to Northern Iowa. Wisconsin will ROLL in this one, and put them on triple-digit watch.

The Pick: Wisconsin -17.5 AND Over 152.5

[16] SIU Edwardsville vs [1] Houston

Houston -28.5, Total 128.5

Venmo request me $10 if you can name SIU Edwardsville's mascot. I would Google it, but by the time I do, they will be packing their bags and heading home. In addition to boasting their infamous, suffocating defense, Houston learned how to score this year too. I like them as a Final Four team this year. To handicap a 4-touchdown spread, you gotta dig deep. Houston covered this number in all 5 of their Quad 4 games (this would be a Quad 4 game) this year, and the points were over 128.5 in all but one of those games. Tough to pick these lopsided ones, so I'll go with the data.

The Pick: Houston -28.5 AND Over 128.5

[16] Alabama State vs [1] Auburn

Auburn -31.5, Total 149.5

Alabama State kicked off the tournament with an absolute thriller. Only an idiot (me) would've predicted their game was gonna be a tough watch. But at least we hit the Under. However, their time ends here. Auburn will roll, but by how much? 31.5 is a lot, and with a lot of heavy hitters later in the tournament, I'd hate to see a backdoor cover when Auburn are playing their third-round draft picks of Deloitte's intern class. I'm gonna stay away from the spread and trust Auburn's defense to hold this under.

The Pick: Under 149.5

[12] McNeese vs [5] Clemson

Clemson -7.5, Total 133.5

If McNeese can pull this off, coach Will Wade will have a Power-conference job in a week and student-manager Amir Khan will go from internet fame to a national icon. If you haven't seen this kid, he's an electric factory. The team isn't bad either, they hung tough with Alabama and Mississippi State, and did not lose a Quad 1 or 2 game this year by double-digits. I'm not confident they can pull the upset, but the number is too big to swallow. Give me the... ummm.. quick google search... Cowboys!

The Pick: McNeese +7.5

[11] VCU vs [6] BYU

BYU -2.5, Total 146.5

If you hear anyone say they are a "B-Y-U-leiver" in the office, you have every right to roll your eyes and report them to HR... or just send them to jail. Just like that phrase, this low spread scares me. VCU is 5th in the country in Defense, and BYU is 80th. But VCU's best opponent this year was New Mexico. This game is a toss up, but 146 is number both teams combined to hit 11 of 17 teams this year in Quad 1 games. I can see VCU pulling the upset here, but we haven't seen them play an opponent even close to BYU all year, so I can't bring myself to pick it. Should be a close game, so with some late fouls and, dare I say, OT potential this can hit the number.

The Pick: Over 146.5

[9] Georgia vs [8] Gonzaga

Gonzaga -5.5, Total 150.5

Gonzaga are a metrics darling this year, but have not been able to get the wins on the court. For context, the are 8th in the country in NET rating, but find themselves an 8 seed in the tournament. Georgia on the other hand, hold wins over Florida (1 seed) and St Johns (2 seed), but are also 4-11 against top opponents. Both teams have been all over the place this year, and 5.5 is a significant number. Not sure who wins, I wish I could just write "Bulldogs" on my bracket so I'm right both ways. The number is too much to take, and in the spirit of the fat, drooly, gaseous breed, I'm gonna expect this game to slow down.

The Pick: Georgia +5.5 AND Under 150.5

[15] Wofford vs [2] Tennessee

Tennessee -18.5, Total 133.5

If Gonzaga-Georgia is the Bulldog Battle, then Wofford-Tennesse is the Confusing Dog Game. Wofford is in South Carolina but their mascot is some kind of rabbies-ridden Boston Terrier? Tennessee are the Volunteers, so logically their mascot is a Bluetick Coonhound? No, I did not make that up, that is the actual name of the breed. I personally do not know what is going on with either of the mascots here, but I do know that Tennessee covered this number against every team they played with a NET rating worse than 110 (Wofford is 131). Give me the Vols... or... Bluetick Coonhounds???

The Pick: Tennessee -18.5

[10] Arkansas vs [7] Kansas

Kansas -4.5, Total 145.5

Everyone is looking ahead to the potential Calipari-Pitino matchup in round 2 is the Razorbacks can get past Kansas here. But that is a tall ask. Both teams did not close their season out very well, but one they both have picked up their scoring significantly in March. A win here would arguably save the season for both programs, so I think it will come down to the wire and stay close.

The Pick: Arkansas +4.5 AND Over 145.5

[13] Yale vs [4] Texas A&M

Texas A&M -7.5, Total 140.5

These matchup could not be more of a culture clash. A&M have the highest number of armed-forces graduates in the tournament, whereas Yale grads tend to specialize in being the war-mongerers who send them into combat.... Anywho... Yale lost two key players in Danny Wolf and Matt Knowling to Michigan and USC, respectively, and still found a way to make it back to the tournament. Yes, A&M rebounds well and has a strong overall defense, but they cannot defend the 3 or shoot the 3 with any consistency. In a tournament that emphasizes guard play, the last thing the Aggies want in a first round matchup is the 9th-best 3 point shooting team in the country. Give me the nerds.

The Pick: Yale +7.5 Bonus Pick: Yale Moneyline +270

[11] Drake vs [7] Missouri

Missouri -6.5, Total 132.5

For a tournament that many people, including myself, figures to be very chalk heavy towards the end we sure are picking A LOT of underdogs (and dog breeds in general) so far. They say good things come in threes, and this will be the third Bulldog picked in one post. Maybe sprinkle a Bulldog parlay for the boys? Could be the move. I like Drake in this spot because 1) I am an SEC truther as previously stated 2) Drake are the best team in the country in limiting opponent rebounds and also the top-ranked team in opponent shots made. Missouri is also god-awful on defense, ranking 200+ in most categories, but so is Drake's offense. This game will be determined on one side of the court, and I like Drake to keep it a two-possesion game.

The Pick: Drake +6.5

[10] Utah State vs [7] UCLA

UCLA -5.5, Total 144.5

If you are reading this and have met me for more than 3.6 seconds, you know my thoughts on UCLA. Can't stand this school. And to be fair, their fans don't seem to excited about the team either. Could it be that their coach spent the better part of the season bitching and moaning about traveling and his kids attitudes (aka his job)??? Or could it be the reality that the school has won 1 Championship in 50 years? And each one before that has a huge asterisks because they were openly paying players in an era when no one else was? I mean let's face it, for a school that has a mediocre basketball history all things considered, a 7 seed is quite impressive!! And if that doesn't get you fired up, know that the Mountain West is awful and you will make it all the way to the second round this year! Good for you, wittle bwuins. I'm so proud.

The Pick: UCLA -5.5

[15] Omaha vs [2] St Johns

Pitino -18.5, Total 148.5

Arguably the biggest story of the entire tournament is Rick Pitino. The mob boss is finally back home in New York (idk if he's actually from there, I assume all Italians are from New York), he's running Madison Square Garden, and the Big East is Italian again. Speaking of bosses, shoutout my old boss Dan, whose paisan made sure the Johnnies were fed proper Italian meals this weekend awaiting their seeding. And on the topic of proper Italian meals, this game will be over before you can name the seven fishes. Omaha cannot play defense and they turn the ball over at a high rate, not what you want to do against the actual Kings of Queens (sorry, Kevin James).

The Pick: St Johns -18.5

[12] UCSD vs [5] Michigan

Michigan -2.5, Total 142.5

UCSD is probably the most trendy upset pick you've heard in the office so far, and for good reason. The best guard on the floor will be a Triton, and you will hear 47 different pronunciations of his name if they pull the upset. It's Aniwaniwa Tate-Jones and thank god I just had to copy and past that. Unfortunately, they will not. Michigan is severely under-seeded and I don't see the upset happening. Yes UCSD is the best team in the country in forcing turnovers, but their defense ranks very low in many non-turnover metrics. They also have not seen anything close to Danny Wolf or Vlad Goldin this year. I like Michigan to wear down UCSD here and UCSD's feast-or-famine defense to cause a lot of quick points on both ends. Gimmie Big Blue and Big Points.

The Pick: Michigan -2.5 AND Over 142.5

[14] UNC Wilmington vs [3] Texas Tech

Texas Tech -14.5, Total 143.5

This is an upset no one is talking about.... and I won't either. Texas Tech is arguably the most intriguing top-seeded team this tournament, so I'd like to thank the committee for making me stay up late on a work night to watch them. Texas Tech doesn't do anything at an elite level, but they do just about everything very good. Neither team, however, gets to the free throw line very often, so expect a fast game with not a lot of stoppages. The spread is a bit too big for my liking, so I'll stay away and end the blog in the grossest way possible by taking an under. Ew. I know.

The Pick: Under 143.5

ANNNNNND Exhale..... The first marathon of picks completed. I'm exhausted. Can't wait to do it all tomorrow.

March Madness Record: 3-2

Joe Kiley's Picks

Sometimes I'm Right